5 ways internalized ableism silently erodes self-acceptance
and what you can do it about
It’s in interactions with my non-chronically ill and disabled friends where I notice internalized ableism the most. Surprising, no?
I see these loved ones caught in thought-loops around body image and ability concerns that seem so inconsequential to me as someone who has needed to fight for my life; someone who has seen my physical abilities stripped away, changed, and mashed into pieces of me I no longer recognize. Then again, I am someone who has rebuilt and reevaluated my relationship to my body — ultimately with joy, but also out of necessity.
It is my disabled and chronically ill friends who have been forced to reckon with internalized ableism. Who have had no choice but to face their shadows and actively unlearn these beliefs for a chance at a happier, more content life. Because if chronically ill people do not unlearn narratives about our bodies, we drown.
But of course, suffering has no hierarchy. And all people have been programmed to believe that no matter what we look like, or who we are, or how many miraculous things our body achieves each day, it’s never enough. This is how internalized ableism reaches everyone, disabled and non-disabled alike.
learning and unlearning internalized ableism
Internalized ableism occurs when we start to internalize society’s discriminatory beliefs about disability, turning them into negative beliefs about ourselves (read about all forms of ableism here). Beliefs like productivity as worth, reliance as weakness, rest as shameful. It’s a topic I encounter frequently when I work with clients and mentees, because it requires an immense amount of self-awareness and fortitude to block out the societal noise and to focus on your own inherent value.
Internalized ableism shaped the way I saw myself for most of my life. It’s only in the last couple of years of confronting this harmful belief system that I’ve noticed shifts in how I live and how I see myself. Internalized ableism keeps you running on a treadmill, expending energy that never actually moves you forward toward a better you. I now know that all I want is to accept myself as I am, and I want that for you too. Shifting my perspective to what harboring internalized ableist beliefs has taken from my life has been instrumental in loosening its grasp on my psyche.
5 sneaky ways internalized ableism erodes self-acceptance
[I have included in italics prompts for you to start addressing your own internalized ableism. Pick one or two and leave the rest!]
This list is for everyone, disabled, sick, or not.
Internalized ableism convinces you to deny your need for support. When you’ve absorbed the belief that you should be able to do something on your own, you’re far less likely to ask for the help that could enhance your wellbeing. Reminder: never seeking support is not a virtue, it’s a story rooted in ableist narratives. What is one task you need help with but have been too afraid/ashamed to ask for? Can you identify someone to support you (or hire someone! or let go of the task!)?
Internalized ableism drains your energy. Every time you expend energy hiding or denying parts of yourself, you are quietly pulling energy away from your capacity for joy, connection, and ease. And if you’re like most people, this hiding occurs many times through out the day. Reflect on how you could spend the mental energy that is currently spent criticizing your body.
Internalized ableism makes you play small. When you’re hiding your true self from others — including your physical and mental disabilities — it is impossible to live authentically, something that feels amazing. I believe all humans have a bright, unique light and a magnetic energy that begins to shine once they allow themselves to be who they truly are. What’s one way you can begin to take up space in your life and live authentically?
Internalized ableism reduces your access to joy. I still find myself holding back from experiences I might love simply because I don’t want to ask for the accommodations I need. Yes, asking for accommodations takes energy. But never asking quickly robs you of opportunities to expand your world and experience new things. What’s one activity you’d like to try, even if it would require requesting an accommodation?
Internalized ableism keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and self-hatred. You won’t be surprised to hear that self-acceptance isn’t possible when your dominant mode of self-talk is self-criticism. And while it may sound intense, frequent self-criticism typically does equate to some form of self-hatred. The little moments every day create the fabric of our lives and how you talk to yourself shapes your life in a massive way. Take one step toward self-acceptance today. Can you say, “I accept my mind and body as they are today.”
the process becomes joyful, I swear
The beginning stages of unlearning internalized ableism can feel like tip-toeing on sharp rocks, painful and a little hard to find your balance. But it’s worth it, I promise. Few things in my life have had as profound an impact as rejecting cultural messages about bodies and slowly making peace with my own. You got this.
Sending lots of love for joy and healing always <3,
Dr. Talia
Watch my reel on internalized ableism and 5 important reminders here.
Want to work with me 1-on-1?
I specialize in supporting you to live in harmony with your body, embrace your authentic self, access daily joy, and cultivate deep self-trust.
send questions to chronicallythinkingphd@gmail.com.
book a 15-min consult call here.
Want to find me other places and support my work?
buy me a tea; on instagram; talia’s lists of helpful things; meditate with me on aura health
Some previous posts you may enjoy:
10 ways to measure chronic illness progress beyond symptom improvement; is hope an addiction?; on wishing for a different body; i cried when the dentist said my teeth looked great
I actually felt a pain in my chest reading the five beliefs, because they all hit something deep within me that tells me that my need for extra support and accommodations makes me a burden on those around me and the world. It's that very belief that has most contributed to my struggles with suicidal ideation.
I will definitely try to incorporate these tips into beginning to undo these beliefs. Thank you for the tips. ❤️🔥
I love this! I have been wrestling with internalized ableism for the two years and just yesterday felt comfortable enough to post a piece about my journey with disability. It’s really painful and yet it is so magical. I feel sorry in a way for able bodied people who will never work through their ableism.