Two truths about illness, neither is a lie
Can you and I hold them both at the same time?
I’m going to tell you two stories. I’m wondering if you’ll be able to reconcile them.
I believe the ability to hold seemingly contradictory stories at once is the most precious and rare skill when it comes to living life with illness. It’s learning to recognize the kind of stories that feel like they shouldn’t both be true at the same time, but they are.
This story reconciliation skill is what I work on with almost all 1:1 coaching clients. And to me, it’s what determines how quickly someone can bounce back from the inevitable setbacks of illness, or really just the setbacks of life.
A trip to Portland!
This past week I went on a 4-5 day trip to visit my best friend Adina in the Pacific Northwest, which included visiting Portland for the first time.
Since getting really sick in Summer 2023, travel has been off limits at the worst and requiring intense illness calculation at the best. I have cancelled more than one trip.
Two years ago, recovering from and preparing for a flight took me two days of complete rest. Embarking on a four-day trip was less feasible than narrowing the political divide in this country because it would have meant spending the whole time recovering from or preparing to fly.
So needless to say this trip was a big and nerve-racking milestone in my recovery.
Now I’ll tell you two stories about the trip.
I want you to pay attention to the emotions that come up as you read. Do you recognize anything that feels familiar?
Version 1:
DAY 1 (Travel): I boarded the plane and as always had to choose between two evils: using the sanitizer wipe even though it makes me lightheaded or sitting on a dirty seat scared about germs. I chose the headache-inducing sanitizer wipe.
The flight was delayed after we had already boarded the plane and because I was in the middle seat that meant more time where I couldn’t put my feet up (something that helps my POTS). When I landed, I fought the discomfort of oncoming fatigue to help myself adjust to the earlier time zone.
DAY 2: Our first stop in Portland was the famous Powell’s Books which was incredibly overstimulating from a sensory perspective and meant I didn’t have the bandwidth to actually look at books.
In addition, my electrolyte and eating schedules were off because of the roadtrip from Seattle which meant I didn’t eat my second meal until 4pm. Here I recognized with the dauntingness of a “dun, dun, dun” sound effect how little wiggle room I have with my meal timing and felt sadness around needing to be so strict with my day. I also ate multiple meals that day that my body isn’t used to eating which led to uncomfortable nausea and constipation.
DAY 3: I woke up and the entire room was spinning. For the first few hours of the day, I had to hold onto the wall to walk to the bathroom. Dizziness is not a typical symptom for me so I had no tools aside from staying in bed late to manage.
Around midday the dizziness let up, and we went on a hike that was steeper than I was anticipating. I started to experience intense anxiety around pushing myself too hard and crashing while on the trip. At the beach after, I struggled with temperature regulation between the hot hot sun (damn that Portland sun is strong) and the cold temperature of the water—something I wish my body could more easily do.
DAY 4: Portland has lots of cute vintage, antique, and crafty shops. Maddeningly, many of them have incense. After one or two incense-heavy shops, the scent triggered a migraine. I had to go back to the AirBnB and rest while Adina continued to shop and explore.
At night, we went to a Hilary Duff concert like the two good millennials we are. Because it’s difficult for me to stand in place, I had to sit down on the floor multiple times to rest, missing some of the action.
Version 2: Can you reconcile?
DAY 1 (Travel): On the flight, I was in a middle seat between two people who didn’t bother me. I arrived safely and my best friend picked me up! What a scrumptious hug. When we arrived at her house she had made the most nourishing meal. Unlike when I traveled 2 years ago, I didn’t feel like I had no life energy in me. I felt OK. Tired, but OK! I was able to stay up late chatting the night away. So sweet.
DAY 2: I finally was able to meet Adina’s partner in person and we made pancakes together. The meal was special, and it was even more special to witness their love in person. When Adina and I arrived in Portland, we visited one of the most famous bookstores in the world, and honestly it lived up to the hype. For dinner, I had Burmese food—a cuisine I’ve never tried and was incredibly delicious.
DAY 3: I stayed in bed, as any good vacation day deserves, and really listened to my body, which felt dizzy and needed to be horizontal. By midday, I was able to go on an almost 2 mile nature walk/hike! Being surrounded by trees made me a happy gal and I showed myself that I can make adjustments as I engage in new activities again. At the beach, it was heavenly to feel the sun on my skin. Plus, I’m just a water person through and through. Nothing makes me feel more alive.
DAY 4: I absolutely adored walking through the artsy neighborhoods and cute vintage shops of Portland. After one or two incense-heavy stores triggered a migraine, I was able to listen to my body and get some rejuvenating alone time at the AirBnB.
At night, we gallivanted to the Hilary Duff concert I’d been looking forward to for months. Concerts used to be such an important part of my life and they are no longer regularly possible because of my health, so this felt emotional and I was filled with gratitude.
Did you notice? Reflection for you
What was it like for you to read both of these stories? To read two completely true versions of the same events.
The point here isn’t focus on the positive babe!
The point here is that there are two true stories, and when we minimize either we run into problems. If I had only paid attention to the lovely shopping, I wouldn’t have gotten the rest I needed and taken the medication for my migraine. If I had only focused on my symptoms, well honestly my read of the trip would have been unpleasant.
Living a life full of joy, fulfillment, and pleasure with chronic illness is not about ignoring the hard parts. It’s about being able to hold multiple seemingly conflicting truths at one time. To look at the truth and resist leaning only toward the positive—which dismisses your hardship—or only toward the negative—which makes you miss the beauty life still has to offer. To feel comfortable in the messy middle of complexity.
There were times on this trip where my body felt miserable and uncomfortable. That remains the reality of my life. But gosh, the joy. THE JOY was there.
So which is the lie? And which is the truth? And which story is worth telling?
The answer is blurry.
Sending lots of love for joy and healing always <3,
Dr. Talia
Reflection for you: Which version of the story do you tend to default to—a focus on symptoms or a focus on all the good? How can you begin to integrate both truths? I’d love to know in the comments.
More ways I can support you:
🌻 My guide, “What I Wish Your Therapist Knew About Chronic Illness” — A resource for purchase that bridges lived experience and clinical care.
🌻 Believe Your Body — A self-paced video course to stop doubting your chronic illness symptoms and trust yourself to make the best decisions for your body (15% off always for newsletter subscribers with code NEWSLETTER15)
🌻 1:1 Coaching — When illness changes the life you thought you’d have and you’re looking for support.
Some previous posts you may enjoy:
Are illness recovery stories helpful or harmful?; Why is it so hard to believe your symptoms with chronic illness?; Ask Dr. Talia #10: Is illness my identity?
Wow I could feel my body ease by the end of reading your piece- so much resonance with the healing work I’m doing. Which on the surface looks like Lyme, co infections, long COVID and mold illness. Beneath the surface though I’m doing A TON of reframing, re parenting, changing my own self talk, self compassion work etc etc and your point here really helps me see this deeper kind of work in a new, more tangible way. So, thank you for this offering. 💓
This was a timely reminder for me - that I can acknowledge both sides of my experience, not just with illness/disability, but with life and it's struggles and beauty.
My cPTSD has made my brain struggle to not focus on the stressful/scary parts of life and situations, but this essay reminded me that it's possible, and common, for two opposing truths to exist at the same time.