I've pretty much ignored the "calling" to gratitude because it felt insincere to me from the beginning. Yes, I also have moments of "real' gratitude, but they don't occur often. What I have ended up doing instead is looking for "possibilities." This works much better for me and for my clients than gratitude. You can still look for possibilities on days when nothing goes right. Gratitude, not so much.
This is something I'm still working on. I do feel authentic gratitude and it's GORGEOUS but inauthentic gratitude still gets me especially when I'm struggling... because then I start thinking 'I'm so fortunate and well cared for, I SHOULD be feeling grateful for X, Y and Z' ... and it can spiral from there if I don't step in with compassion and grace for myself...
Due to being gaslit by both of my primary caregivers all my life, I have developed a strong tendency toward gaslighting myself into inauthentic gratitude, especially when I am struggling and/or experience negative emotions.
I struggle to see moments of authentic gratitude, but they do come every now and then. Trauma has formed a tendency toward negative thinking that i am still working on undoing and healing from.
Self compassion is also not something I'm accustomed to, but I am currently doing parts work with my therapist that's focused on finding compassion for the younger, most traumatized parts.
It's a work in progress, but I am far from where I was a few years ago. ❤️🩹
I thought I wasn't "doing gratitude right", and it made me feel ashamed, so I stopped using it as a practice. Thanks to your explanation I now know that I was trying to force inauthentic gratitude! I also learned today that I actually do experience authentic gratitude as well. I just didn't know that that's what the feeling that washes over me spontaneously sometimes was. I'm mildly autistic and have difficulty identifying my emotions, so this was incredibly helpful for me :)
I absolutely agree with all of this. I often find that the most frustrating feedback I get, as a chronically ill person, is in form of toxic positivity. The idea of comparison has been especially damaging as well. “I am not as sick as so and so” is not the appropriate way for me to sit with my hurt and frustration of my own body.
I need to feel it and process it before I can move to more positive feelings.
I've pretty much ignored the "calling" to gratitude because it felt insincere to me from the beginning. Yes, I also have moments of "real' gratitude, but they don't occur often. What I have ended up doing instead is looking for "possibilities." This works much better for me and for my clients than gratitude. You can still look for possibilities on days when nothing goes right. Gratitude, not so much.
Love the practice of looking for possibilities. Thanks for sharing, Vanessa.
THIS 🙌
All. Day. Long.
This is something I'm still working on. I do feel authentic gratitude and it's GORGEOUS but inauthentic gratitude still gets me especially when I'm struggling... because then I start thinking 'I'm so fortunate and well cared for, I SHOULD be feeling grateful for X, Y and Z' ... and it can spiral from there if I don't step in with compassion and grace for myself...
Thank you for sharing this and helping us all 🙏💖
It sounds like you have a lot of awareness, and that’s all we can do. Plus I’m so glad to hear you experience some gorgeous authentic gratitude :)
Due to being gaslit by both of my primary caregivers all my life, I have developed a strong tendency toward gaslighting myself into inauthentic gratitude, especially when I am struggling and/or experience negative emotions.
I struggle to see moments of authentic gratitude, but they do come every now and then. Trauma has formed a tendency toward negative thinking that i am still working on undoing and healing from.
Self compassion is also not something I'm accustomed to, but I am currently doing parts work with my therapist that's focused on finding compassion for the younger, most traumatized parts.
It's a work in progress, but I am far from where I was a few years ago. ❤️🩹
I thought I wasn't "doing gratitude right", and it made me feel ashamed, so I stopped using it as a practice. Thanks to your explanation I now know that I was trying to force inauthentic gratitude! I also learned today that I actually do experience authentic gratitude as well. I just didn't know that that's what the feeling that washes over me spontaneously sometimes was. I'm mildly autistic and have difficulty identifying my emotions, so this was incredibly helpful for me :)
I absolutely agree with all of this. I often find that the most frustrating feedback I get, as a chronically ill person, is in form of toxic positivity. The idea of comparison has been especially damaging as well. “I am not as sick as so and so” is not the appropriate way for me to sit with my hurt and frustration of my own body.
I need to feel it and process it before I can move to more positive feelings.