other things about me

who are you, too?

photo credit: Fidan Nazim qizi

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I’m reminded that I’m sick multiple times per hour. There’s always something that needs my attention. Quick grab salt before you faint. Adjust your hyperextended joint. Take your meds. Debilitating nausea — eat a ginger chew. Even when I’m engaged in other tasks, like writing this very post, I have an almost constant awareness of my body. Perpetual body awareness is like elevator music—not loud enough to demand full attention, but just irritating enough to drain your energy.

i want to be more than sick, and i already am

Illness erodes your sense of self slowly over time by leaving you with just enough energy to survive and think about surviving (or so it wants you to think!). Illness is narcissistic — every time you try to put your other needs and interests first, to gain some distance, it claps back with an attention-grabber so dramatic that you have no choice but to pay incisive attention to it. Illness throws you into survival mode and then makes it excruciatingly difficult to crawl your way out.

Sometimes I’m so, so sick (did ya catch the pun?) of my life revolving around illness all day, every damn day. I’m at a point in my illness journey where I’m ready to make conscious space for myself to be a holistic human. To honor my own complexity. To purposely choose to champion other aspects of my identity and personality until they overpower the unrelenting reminders of my body’s needs.

This is a powerful practice that can benefit anyone. Maybe illness isn’t your constant. Maybe it’s work. Or kids. Or a partner. Do you give yourself time to be you?

we all love a list

To illustrate how I’m making room for the full version of me in a life dominated by chronic illness, here’s a list of some things I’m currently into:

• philosophical models of God

• experimenting with creative popsicle flavors using my cute, colorful molds

• Molly Drake’s posthumously published album (Nick Drake’s mom - never a professional recording artist)

• shea butter that leaves my skin even softer than it naturally is

• that feeling when you look at a tree and just the get the sense that it lives a fulfilling life

• Architectural Digest tours on YouTube

• dates with peanut butter

• learning to co-exist with the mice in my walls (ok I’m not that into this one, but allow me my delusion!)

• vests layered over turtlenecks

• face masks

• Parker Posey’s accent on this season of The White Lotus

• saying “I hear you” to loved ones

I kinda love myself, and that love feels louder when I allow myself room to pay attention to more than just my symptoms.

ID: Talia is holding a homemade popsicle and pursing her lips

life is full of caveats

Giving any energy to these things is not possible when you’re fighting for your life. Earlier this month, multiple of my body systems started shutting down. I was scared, and my energy was finite. So if you’re in that stage, cut yourself some slack — opportunities to pursue joy do not disappear.

But if you’re struggling, yet stable, I invite you to consider small ways to inject your personality and interests back into your life. This isn’t meant to be yet another item on your to-do list. Rather, it’s an opportunity to find connection with your deeper, authentic self, and to show your nervous system that you are more than your diagnosis.

Sending lots of love for joy and healing always <3,

Dr. Talia

reflection for you: what are 3 small things you’re currently into? I’d love to know

Want to work with me 1-on-1?

I specialize in supporting you to live in harmony with your body, embrace your authentic self, access daily joy, and cultivate deep self-trust

send an email to chronicallythinkingphd@gmail.com

Want to find me other places?

buy me a tea; on instagram; talia’s lists of helpful things; meditate with me on aura health

Some previous posts you may enjoy:

where art thou, ambition? chronic illness will break your heart; the agony I was bearing by not speaking openly about chronic illness; on wishing for a different body