dear body, i love you
i'm sorry if i ever made you feel differently
“Thinking, Chronically” Announcements!
We reached 1,000 subscribers!! Woo!!! Thank you so much for being here and for contributing to our mission of creating a world where individuals with chronic illness have their emotional needs fully seen, honored, and supported. Read more about the newsletter’s vision here.
vöx and I collaborated on a conversation for her Behind the Veil series. We talk about career grief, creativity, and the importance (and difficulty) of asking for help and accommodations while sick. Read the full, honest conversation here.
Don’t forget to submit a question for my new Ask Dr. Talia series. This is your chance to ask me — a chronically ill Clinical Psychology PhD — about managing the emotional impact of chronic illness. Questions about experiences that your friends, family, and even therapist may not understand. Read the first edition where I answer “Should I accept my illness?” here. No question is a bad question.
The following is a letter I wrote to my body last year. It was inspired by a prompt and example in Dr. Hillary McBride’s book, The Wisdom of Your Body. It's amazing to look back and realize how much has changed — how I no longer connect with many of the feelings I expressed then. Still, I honor every past version of myself. I hope you enjoy and find it meaningful to read.
Dear Body,
I am sorry that I mistrust you.
That I feel you are constantly betraying me.
That I curse you as my body.
That I wish you were different and that I cannot accept you.
That instead of supporting you and showing you love, I put you down.
Dear Body,
I am sorry for the unkind comments about how you look.
I’m sorry that I picked apart every small detail about you in an effort to be perfect, that I didn’t allow you to feel at ease because I was convinced there was always a way you could look better, do better, be better.
I’m sorry that I failed to recognize that all bodies, including you, are worthy of kindness and acceptance.
Dear Body,
I am sorry that I failed to listen to you as you were screaming and shouting at me.
That I minimized your pain, and worked you into debilitating illness.
I’m sorry that I didn’t learn how to rest until it was too late and I was forced to.
I’m sorry that your cries for help, connection, and compassion were ignored and relegated as unimportant.
Dear Body,
I am sorry that it has taken a decade, maybe even a lifetime, to recognize that I am disconnected from you.
That I dissociate so that I do not need to face you.
That I remove myself from my pain and experiences and blame them on you.
I am sorry it has taken me so long to see you as you are — my wisdom, my heart, myself.
Dear Body,
I am sorry that I do not recognize all the ways you are working for me, and focus instead on the ways I perceive you working against me.
That I too rarely notice how amazing it is that I can breathe without trying, blink to be comfortable, chew my food, see a beautiful sunset.
Dear Body,
If trauma and illness caused me to be angry with you, to disconnect from you, to hate you, processing and accepting trauma and illness have also led me back to you.
Processing has enabled me to pay attention to your cues, to make decisions from my gut, to become one with you.
Dear Body,
I am you, you are me.
I hope that one day we don’t feel separate.
That I can live as you, that I can be you.
Until then, I plan to nurture you.
To remind you that you are trying your best, that you are beautiful, and that you are inherently good.
That your worth is not dependent on your abilities, functioning, or someone else’s opinion of you.
That when I listen to you, I am the truest form of myself.
<3 <3 <3
Reflection for you: What would you say to your body? Try writing it down free-form. Don’t censor yourself.
What came up for you as you read my letter? I’d love to hear in the comments.
Want to work with me 1-on-1?
I specialize in supporting you to live in harmony with your body, embrace and accept your authentic self illness included, access daily joy, and cultivate deep self-trust.
send questions to drtaliaphd@gmail.com.
book a 15-min consult call here.
Want to find me other places and support my work?
buy me a tea; on instagram; talia’s lists of helpful things; meditate with me on aura health
Some previous posts you may enjoy:
on “worthy” time while sick; when my body tells me to grieve, i say yes; on wishing for a different body
So much of it resonates 💖 It's taken my chronic illness to take my body seriously and really give it the attention it deserves. I never hated it or anything, I just assumed it would simply continue to function quite happily on its own merry way. I was more concerned about my brain 🧠. But OH BOY am I listening now! 💖
Dr. Talia, this letter just broke my heart open because I’ve written these exact words to my own body countless times. The line ‘I feel you are constantly betraying me’ hit like lightning because living with autoimmune disease while also healing from childhood trauma, I spent years thinking my body was the enemy.
What I’m learning is that my body was never betraying me, it was actually the most loyal friend I’ve ever had, absorbing every trauma, storing every emotion I couldn’t process, and developing hypervigilance to keep me alive. My chronic illness isn’t a failure, it’s my nervous system saying ‘I’ve been carrying this for you, and now I need help.’
The profound shift happens when we realize our bodies aren’t broken, they’re incredibly intelligent. Your autoimmune symptoms, my flares, our pain, they’re all just our bodies speaking the only language they know, begging us to listen differently. This beautiful letter is so much more than an apology, it’s the beginning of the most important relationship we’ll ever have. The same sensitivity that made us ‘too much’ for others is exactly what allows us to hear our bodies’ whispers before they become screams.
Thank you for modeling this sacred conversation with our bodies. Your courage to write this vulnerable truth is going to help so many of us rewrite our own body stories. I will subscribe to follow your journey because this is the kind of healing work the world desperately needs. 💛